He was wise, and from his retail storefront on State Street in Granite City, Illinois, he offered advice only to those who asked enough questions to form their own answer. An hour with my dad was better talk therapy than any psychologist could offer. He made you feel comfortable with your story and confident with your decisions. He empowered you to set forth a plan of action.
If he had one fault, it was that for all the empowerment that he gave to others, he was afraid of being judged. As a local merchant in a mid-size community, he lived his life in public; and fear of losing business, the livelihood of his family, often kept him from giving opinions or making a stand. While that was a good trait for homespun psychoanalysis, it was not necessarily the way to true happiness. I believe he lived with a lifetime of emotions just below the surface.
I was able to get involved with an Optimist Club because of my dad. Every year, the local club would host their annual membership drive and ask him to join. He wasn't a joiner. He would say, "No thank you, but Linda would like to join."
Ladies weren't included in membership then. Many years passed with my dad making the same plaintive statement to the group and then one time, the answer was different. "We'll see what we can do about that," the Optimist Club member said.
When I joined the Optimist Club I felt a subtle shift in appearances and responsibilities that was bigger and better than moving to the grown-ups table at Thanksgiving Dinner. That small change allowed my father to understand that a woman would be accepted as the heir to the family business. It also allowed the business leaders to imagine that our business would continue to serve the community into the future.
My thoughts are with my Dad on this Father's Day more than most. He's been gone for thirteen years, but I still seek his approval when I debate solutions and outcomes in my mind. I find I have adopted his sense of right and wrong, but not his fear of judgment. I'm not afraid to take a stand. I often look at the realistic side of things before reaching for the optimistic outcome. I'm confident that I have a voice and an opinion, but because I spent years witnessing his introspection, I also know that I have the flexibility to learn, grow, adapt and even change.
Thank you for being such a great listener Dad. I think your quiet skill has empowered more people than you know.
